Ajay Khandelwal Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy & Counselling near Southwark, South London & Marylebone, Central London

DR AJAY KHANDELWAL. 2017 Self Studio Photograph

Psychotherapy, Couples Counselling, Feuding Oxford Dons, and George Floyd

We are the great danger. Psyche is the great danger. How important is to know something about it, but we know nothing about it

More than ever before, all of us are having to examine ourselves. Our mortality, our livelihoods, our relationships. Psychotherapy, the talking cure, is one way of doing just that, in a structured and in depth way. I provide psychotherapy face to face in London Bridge; I offer psychotherapy for both individuals and couples. If you are experiencing anxiety, depression, or any other psychological issues I would really like to hear from you. Please call or text me directly on 07925709696. I will call you within a day to answer any questions you may have about how the process might work.

You can also click here to email me now. I'll get back to you the same day.

I provide psychotherapy from a range of locations in central London, Marleybone, Oxford Circus and Waterloo. I offer counselling in South London. The quickest way forward is to arrange for us to speak and to explore how we could work together. I welcome contact. If you are interested in whether individual or couples psychotherapy is for you, please do get in touch on 07925709696; click here to email me now

You may have feelings of despair - the six extinction, economic collapse, wars, racism, poverty, the virus - the list goes on. The human condition is characterized by living between two worlds, disaster on the one hand, and looking forward to the pleasure of a hair cut!

Carl Jung noticed that our psyches are the most dangerous thing. We are capable of good and bad. He felt that by examining our own shadow, dealing with our bit of the world, we could contribute to both ourselves and society.

I offer psychotherapy in central and South London, and this provide a space to explore both inner and outer worlds. I welcome inquiries and discussions about how we could work together. The best way to get in touch is to text or call me on 07925709696 and leave a message and I will get back to you within a day. Alternatively click here to email me now

I am a psychoanalytical psychotherapist and consultant. I am often approached by high achieving professionals in the creative, financial, consultancy, legal and health sectors. I offer a confidential service from comfortable rooms in central London, near Harley Street and Waterloo.

I offer psychotherapy in Southwark. I provide counselling in South London. I am a counsellor in Harley Street. If you would like an initial discussion about how we could work together please call or text me on 07925709696. If you are interested in arranging an initial appointment you can use the contact form on the right hand side bar. If you have any questions, I would be happy to discuss them with you, please do get in touch click here to email me now

I work with both individuals and couples in central London, Marleybone, and South East London. I also provide psychotherapy to clients outside London by zoom. If you are experiencing stress, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other psychological issues, please do get in touch. The quickest way to contact me is to call or text on 07925709696.

I am often approached by couples and family groups to explore issues. My PhD research explored how family systems and scripts are transmitted across generations; and how the change and mutate over time. I am also interested in working with couples in long term relationships. The Swiss analyst Adolf Guggenbuhl-Craig noted, in rather old-fashioned language:

Marriage is not comfortable and harmonious. Rather it is a place of individuation where a person rubs up against oneself and against the partner, bumps up against the person in love and in rejection, and in this fashion learns to know oneself, the world, good and evil, the heights and the depths

If you are interested in couples counselling and psychotherapy in central London, please feel free to get in touch. Call or text me on 07925709696 and I will be happy to explore how we could work together; click here to email me now

I am now seeing clients face to face in London Bridge, alongside zoom for those who are unable to travel. I am a counsellor in Harley Street. My offices are five minutes walk from Oxford Circus tube station. I offer counselling in South London.

So, why see a psychotherapist? Why not just read a business book, or self-improvement text with cool actionable points and checklists in the appendix? Don't get me wrong, business books and self books are fantastic. I enjoy them as much as the next person. But, we all know, deep down, they are a type of escapist fiction. If only we could turn our lives around in seven days with measurable and long lasting results! If only. Most of us know, realistically, and slightly depressingly, that change is excruciatingly difficult, if not sometimes impossible. Most analysts are familiar with this tragic dimension of living. Unlike the self-help books, the tragic view of life, has the premise that life is guaranteed to give us trouble, lots of it (alongside pleasure and satisfaction). The analysts view of life is more about how we come to terms with certain aspects of our inevitably flawed and incomplete selves. From the therapists consulting room viewpoint, the fable of the all conquering self-help hero is one for the fairy tales.

The genre of self help and self improvement is usually superficial in the sense that it privileges what we can see and touch. It talks about what we already know about ourselves. As psychotherapists we work in a different realm. We work with what we don't know about ourselves. The unconscious. Dreams. Slips. Mess. Chaos. When Steven Peters, sports coach, writes about psychology in his book Chimp Paradox, he is repackaging what Freud called the id. The Chimp Mr Peters refers to, the unruly impulsive monkey in each of us, is the same untamed creature that Freud was interested in understanding one hundred years ago.

So, I'm interested in questions like, why do we sabotage ourselves? Why do we do the opposite of what we set out to do? Why do we slip up, or even fall flat on our faces? Sometimes people get in touch with me when things are going well. But to be honest, they mostly get in touch when things have gone a bit off track. The unconscious can't really be revealed by a book. It's a dynamic, living aspect of ourselves, and it comes to life in a real living relationship. This can be with a therapist, whose job it is to focus on this aspect, but it can also be picked by our friends and family.

A few examples come to mind to help illustrate. Many years ago I ready Politics, Philosophy and Economics at Christ Church, Oxford. It's a well known college, maybe because it features as the dining hall in Harry Potter films. It's also a finishing school for the British upper classes. Thirteen British Prime Ministers have been helped to scheme; seventeen Archbishops have been encouraged with godly thoughts; and numerous business men have hatched plans for worldly success, Alex Beard (Glencore), Sir Michael Moritz (Sequoia Capital), Crispin Odey (hedge fund manager), Jacob Rothschild (N M Rothschild & Sons), Nicky Oppenheimer (De Beers), Peter Moores (Littlewoods), James A. Reed (Reed group), and Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss (twins associated with the founding of Facebook). Even Albert Einstein put in a five year Cameo.

You may notice that there are no women on this list because Christ Church did not admit women until the 1980s. The list above says as much about the intersection of class, gender and race in elite British institutions as anything else. But my interest has been tweaked by recent developments at Christ Church and what they tell us about the individual and group psyche.

Christ Church has half a billion in the bank, so it doesn't normally feature in the papers (things are done on the hush hush). However, a simmering feud between the leader of the college, Dean Percy and the academics who run the place (censors - yes that's really what they're called) has recently blown up. Mr Percy, aged 55, interested in all things godly, pastoral and academic, wanted his status reviewed. Paid £90,000 he felt he was paid less then other staff (the development director) and heads of other colleges. This resulted in an eventual breakdown in the college's internal institutions, with Don's accusing him of over twenty accounts of scandalous behaviour. Mr Percy spent £350,000 of his own money defending himself. The college spent north of 2 million. Not even the combined might of 13 prime ministers, 17 archbishops, facebook and Einstein could avert this huge bun fight. How can we understand this psychologically speaking?

Here, another alumuni is more relevant. Lewis Carroll, author of Alice in Wonderland, was also at Christ Church. In his language we could say that the Dean and Dons have gone down a rabbit hole. Their psychological warfare has moved out from the light of the grassy field into the tunnels of the unconscious and there is no easy way out.

For psychotherapists the conscious mind is just the 1 percent. Most of the action that interests us (money, sex) goes on down the rabbit hole, in the 99 percent of the mind that is less easy to observe. So what happened here between Mr Percy and the Dons? You can read more about the details in the FT. However, I will just comment on it from a symbolic point of view. The psychotherapist Carl Jung noted that the psyche works with opposites. The more the conscious mind concentrates on one aspect of reality, the more that it's opposite will become pushed into the unconscious. In this case the role of the Dean, is normally understood to be conflict averse, caring, religious, non-material etc. Therefore the shadow side of the Dean role gets repressed. The conflict between the Dean and the Don activated these latent areas - around money, power, prestige and status - resulting in a psychic explosion, with huge financial implications. The shadow area burst into the open. Cavemen used to throw spears. Deans and Dons hurl carefully crafted poison-soaked emails. Mr Percy's desire for a 10 K pay rise, in order to signal his relative status, was snubbed, resulting in a multi-million pound bill. No reasonable face saving way to back down could be found. I tell this story because it could stand in for every workplace or institution. Despite the sleepy exterior, there are always very powerful psychological forces at play; the more things are pushed into the shadows, the more likely they will erupt, sooner or later.

Language, Slips, Racism, Christ Church

Another Christ Church news article caught my eye.

Melanie Nneka Onovo a second year history student at Christ Church called out some distressing racism at the university. Another student, standing for the position of cake rep, made a joke, on zoom, trying to link the death George Floyd with her candidacy

I would like to put forward the motion that these incidents are not two, but rather one. Flour shortage leads to rioting, which leads to death, which leads to racism. And racism leads to death, leads to rioting, and that leads to flour shortage.

The junior common room had minutes earlier made an undertaking to send funds to the US to support charities working with black communities. However, this joke, which has since been condemned by the college and the student bodies, appears to trivialize George Floyd's death. Despite all the unconscious bias training, which is part of student induction at Christ Church, the unconscious has away of making itself known.

Perhaps what is interesting here is that, even in a conservative institution like Christ Church, the shadow elements are being openly addressed and integrated. However, this is not a smooth process. Change rarely comes smoothly. The Dean has had to fight for his material compensation and symbolic standing to be recognized by the academics; Melanie, the history and politics student, has had to had to fight against the trivializing of George Floyd's death during a student hustings. Both these developments have required external involvement, further reflection, and changes in the organisational culture at different levels.

Psychotherapists usually say we need trouble and conflict, and that this can lead to renewed development and enriched consciousness.

If you would like to discuss how we could work together please call on 07925709696: click here to email me now

Here are some independently verified comments from recent patients who have undertaken long term psychotherapy.

Ajay was very good at explaining things in a way which allowed me to make sense of my own feelings and thoughts in a natural way without being overbearing or jumping to answers. My experience has been incredibly helpful and has helped me to move forward.

In psychotherapy, we work together, in order to help you find your own answers. There is no guide book or one size fits all approach. Psychotherapy is different to more routine forms of treatment now predominant in public health care system, for instance cognitive behavioural treatment.
If you would like to discuss whether we can work together please email using the side bar or call or text me on 07925709696. I work as a counsellor in South London, and central London, with offices near Waterloo, Harley Street and Marleybone; click here to email me now

I've had a really positive experience with Ajay. I started my sessions not really knowing what to expect from therapy, but found the format and pace of the conversation with Ajay comfortable and natural throughout. He's been great at guiding me to acknowledge thoughts and feelings that I've not otherwise been able to articulate ever before, which is immensely helpful. Would certainly recommend.

Psychotherapy allows us to work together to find the words for your own unique experience in living. Unlike a medical operation, it requires both of us working together, in tandem to find your own way of expressing and understanding your inner and outer worlds click here to email me now

Ajay was so kind and patient with me. He helped me to see patterns in my behaviour and understand them. He helped me to realise that I could change my behaviour and that was within my control. In his sessions, I was able to come to these realisations by myself and he shepherded me along the way. He made me feel safe enough to open up and talk about things I had never said out loud before. We built a huge amount of trust over the time we spent together. I gained so much from my time with Ajay and am so grateful to have found such a wonderful therapist.

If you're seeking the opportunity to do some in depth work on yourself - what better time than now? I am currently seeing patients face to face, in safe conditions, as well as by zoom. I offer psychotherapy and counselling in South London, Oxford Circus, Waterloo and Marleybone. If you are experiencing depression, anxiety, addiction, or other psychological difficulties please get in touch for an initial discussion. Please feel free to call or text me on 07925709696 and I will get back to you to explore how we could work together click here to email me now

If you want to read some more articles you can click here
Is Elon Musk an Idiot or Hero?,
The Cure for the Eternal/ Boy Girl
Epstein, Money, Sex and the Human Shadow
Simmering Relationships?

I have further articles here Click Here

I welcome contact if you are interest in individual psychotherapy, couples psychotherapy and counselling. The quickest way is to call me on 07925709696 or click here to email me now

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