Dr. Ajay Khandelwal Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy & Counselling
near Southwark and Waterloo, SE1

About me. Ajay NAPA image

Counsellor Waterloo; Psychoanalysis, Psychotherapy, Counselling next to Southwark Tube in Comfortable and Peaceful Surroundings in Borough High Street, Waterloo and Harley Street

My name is Dr Ajay Khandelwal and I am a Psychoanalytical Psychotherapist (sometimes known as a psychoanalyst or psychotherapist or counsellor). Are you looking for a counsellor in Waterloo? Do you need counselling in South London? Psychotherapy in Southwark or Harley Street? I provide psychotherapy in Southwark and counselling in South London. I also offer psychoanalytical psychotherapy in Waterloo and Fitzrovia. I am a therapist with over 25 years experience in the mental health field and I specialise in working with really difficult and complicated issues and situations and finding psychotherapeutic solutions. I am registered with the leading organisation for psychotherapists (UKCP) and I am a member of the UK College of Psychoanalysts and the Guild of Psychotherapists. I have a PhD from Essex University (1999) on the impact of family history on individuals and their careers and personal life stories and a BA in Politics, Philosophy and Economics from Oxford University.

I provide counselling in South London and psychotherapy in Southwark as well as psychoanalytical psychotherapy and psychoanalysis in Waterloo and Fitzrovia. Psychoanalyical Psychotherapists typically spend upto ten years training through listening to their patients unconscious material and analysing it in order to help their patients lead enriched and meaningful lives. Psychotherapists, unlike psychologists and psychiatrists, are also required to undergo their own long term and indepth analyses in order to experience the process of therapy themselves and attend to their own minds. This very long training, which involves listening to the unconscious of the patient as well as the therapist's own unconscious process, means that the therapist is uniquely placed to really attend to the patients difficulties. Psychoanalysts are always noticing what is going in the therapy. When you enter therapy the psychotherapist "hires out" part of their mind in order to think about your difficulties over time. They will think about you during the session itself, in the 50 minutes of the psychotherapy, but also in between sessions. This very deep contact between patient and therapist allows access to profound and unconscious dimensions of communication. Your friends and family maybe able to listen to your difficulties, but a psychotherapists employs a deeper and different type of listening. Psychoanalysts don't try and convert you or fix you; but they do roll their sleeves up and really listen to what is going on and what it is like to be in your mind. Psychotherapists help map out your difficulties and your mind and slowly unravel your own contribution to your difficulties. Counselling in South London is provided in comfortable well appointed and private rooms. Psychotherapy in Southwark is available from the Guild of Psychotherapists headquarters. Counselling in Waterloo is also possible from SE1 and W1.

Psychoanalytical Psychotherapy helps you seek out the truth of your life. The framework of psychotherapy, the regular timing and sessions, the fee, the set up, are all really about allowing the therapist and patient to seek out reality. The human mind has a desire to understand reality and this can have a very deep and profound effect on the individual. Friends may have your welfare at heart, but they will also have their own views and agendas. However, it is your life, and your friends cannot know your mind, or make your decisions. Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis allow you, with the the help of the psychotherapist, uncover the truth, and your own desire. In a world of spin and advertising, psychotherapy attempts to create a space for deep thought, about what is most precious to you, and for you to examine your life more clearly and truthfully. It is through encountering reality that personal and psychic growth is achieved.

I work with clients from around the world face to face and by phone to get the heart of the matter quickly and effectively. My speciality is working with adults who are professionally successful, but in some sort of psychological or personal difficulty. If you are interested in working at depth, and have the appetite for examining and exploring your difficulties, then I would be interested in working with you in a collaborative fashion. This requires some stamina and determination and we will explore together the required pace and direction of work. Generally, I work at greater depth, examing deep seated difficulties with you. I have extensive experience of working in the field of addictions, identity, trauma, dreams, anxiety, depression, sexuality, illness, relationship and career issues. I have very comfortable and discreet consulting rooms in SE1 (Waterloo), Central London/ Fitzrovia/ five minutes from Goodge Street tube/ Warrren Street tube (W1) and and work face to face, seeing clients weekly or twice weekly for more intensive work. I work with bankers, medical and health professionals, artists, actors, finance professionals, psychotherapists, academics and many other professional groups. I have a fixed charge for initial consultation at £75. My fee for ongoing work is £100 for individuals and £250 for couples. My day rate for complex consultations is available by request. The fee covers all costs including having a room and time booked for you throughout the year to enable to the work.

I have consulting rooms in SE1, and W1. I am a counsellor in Waterloo and Harley Street.

I also provide clinical supervsion for therapists and work with psychotherapy trainees.

I provide counselling in london; psychotherapy and counsellor in Waterloo and Harley Street; psychotherapy in Southwark. I have comfortable and discreet therapy rooms in excellent locations. I also provide psychoanalytical psychotherapy seeing patients twice weekly.

Some thoughts about the News

Is Bradley Wiggins Evil? What Team Sky Illustrates about the Human Shadow

No of course not. He’s a mod, with a nice beard, and he’s won lots of bike races. He’s a family man. Despite the fact his father was a violent alcoholic who left him when he was two years old, he seems to have turned out alright. He’s trained hard and competed even harder. He has true grit, and that’s what helped him win the Tour de France. It’s a gruelling race that requires a monastic preparation. Still, something is not right. Jung wrote wonderfully about the human shadow. Despite our best intentions, we all have a “shadow”. The shadow is all the stuff we can’t see, that we would deny about ourselves. It’s annoying, it’s messy, it can be a bit evil. It contains our instincts, sexuality, envy, greed, aggression, hypocrisy and plenty more. The more “civilised” we are, the more stuff we load into the shadow. Given the nature of modern life, we invariably have a long shadow.

Bradley Wiggins belonged to Team Sky, a machine-like sports team that was intent on winning the Tour de France at all costs. Interestingly, they claimed to be “whiter than white”, and set out to put the chequered dope splattered history of professional cycling behind them. They were the team with no shadow. The cycling team was going to be made up of saintly spiritually enlightened cyclists who drank Evian and ate broccoli to get them over mountain ranges at supersonic speeds. Yet, as Jung noted, the more we try and claim our purity, the darker and inkier the shadow. Team Sky claimed to be drug free and “clean” team. Yet, the whole thing was a sham. Many commentators intuited something was wrong, and disliked their team bus, with its blacked out windows, which was nicknamed, “Dark Star.” We now know that Team Sky exploited the medication rules ruthlessly. Bradley Wiggins was administered a very strong medication, aimed at very sick people, in order to enhance his performance: specifically to lose weight whilst keeping strong. This is exactly what professional cyclists need to race in the high mountains with their leg sapping gradients. Professional cyclists, with their huge heart, lungs and thighs, are extremely fit; the last thing they need is medicine intended for ill people. He took the medication with perfect timing, just before his big races. He was given large doses by injection; yet in his autobiography he conveniently omits this fact. We blank the shadow out and deny all knowledge of it. Yet, like the psychologically astute story of Jekyll and Hyde, every time you drink the potion, it’s hold becomes stronger, until your very constitution is altered, and you can’t change back!

We are always quick to deny our shadow material. It’s usually buried deep in our unconscious and whilst we see wrong doing in others, we are unlikely to see it in ourselves. This was perfectly illustrated by Bradley Wiggin’s team mate, the taciturn Chris Froome. Chris was a vocal critic of Bradley Wiggins use of medicines to enhance his performance. Yet, in the most recent twist in the saga, he has recently failed a drugs test himself due to the use of an asthma medication. I imagine Chris Froome was unaware of his own behaviour (which is currently being investigated); yet he could pin point it with laser like accuracy in a team mate. This is the way of the shadow; we can’t see it in ourselves, but it is glaring obvious in others. We tend to project our own shadow material outwards and remain oblivious to it ourselves.

In the next few days Bradley Wiggins and team Sky will try and deny the accusations against them and defend their battered reputations. Still, the damage has been done. They felt they could exploit and manipulate the rules in order to gain an unfair advantage against their competitors. They have indulged in exactly the dubious and unethical practices that they have set out to denounce. Whilst their infractions might not be of the same magnitude of the king of cheats Lance Armstrong, they are surely in the same deceptive spirit.

This may be the toughest challenge of all. It is extremely distasteful for a person to face and accept their shadow; it is even harder to digest and learn from shadow material. Bradley Wiggins has the opportunity to accept what he has done, and use it as an opportunity to develop. Whilst this would be a blow to his ego it would help him develop as a person. The shadow can be a source of great energy and creativity. Yet, if he continues to deny any wrong doing, which seems likely, there will be no chance to develop. He will remain stuck seeing everything bad out there in the world, and viewing himself as a flawless victim. This form of projection can work for a while, but tends to break down. Despite what he says, his unconscious mind knows what he has done.

Bradley Wiggins is not evil. Like all of us he has struggled with ethical dilemmas. In his case, he has followed the rules, but that is not the same as thinking for himself about what is right. For him the “shadow” resides in the parliamentary committee that he sees as conducting a witch hunt against him; but like all of us, he would do better looking closer to home. This is maybe the most distasteful work in life. It is almost impossible to do oneself. You can explore it in therapy, but you may continue to delude yourself there too. However, if you really want to know about your shadow, ask your longstanding friends, or partner, and they will prove very useful. It may not be very pleasant to hear, but if you can stick with it, and acknowledge your fuller nature, warts and all, you may find it an enriching experience. The shadow holds a great deal of potential energy and if you are able to engage and create a dialogue with those murkier aspects, you may be able to find new life. Bradley Wiggins has tried to reinvent himself as skier (fractured his leg); and a indoor rower (slower than he hoped); but greater than any physical reinvention, he needs to reinvent his approach to life. In truth, many of us, when placed under such extreme demands, would bend the rules; yet, in the end, things do have a way of coming out, either externally (through an expose or committee) or internally (through our conscience. guilty feelings; inner turmoil). If a cover up is successful, it generally just stores problems up for the future; or we keep repeating things until we are caught and punished. Just look at Lance Armstrong, who couldn't resist re-entering the Tour De France way past his sell by date. This was a guaranteed way of him keeping the focus on himself, and ensuring he would be found out and be forced to have confront his fraudulent past.

I am psychoanalyst and psychotherapist; are you looking for a counsellor in Waterloo (SE1) or Oxford Street (W1)? If so please get in touch. Issues address: infidelity; addictions; turmoil; breakdown; relationships issues; anxiety; career issues. I specialise in working with professionally successful adults in London and around the world who are in some sort of psychological or personal difficulties. I provide psychotherapy in Southwark and counselling in South London; if you wish to work at a deeper level I am provide psychoanalytical psychotherapy at the frequency of twice weekly upwards. My consulting rooms are based in excellent locations close to transport hubs in SE1 and W1. Psychotherapy, counselling, and psychoanalysis for depression and anxiety, sexuality, relationship and career issues can be life changing. I provide psychotherapy in Southwark and counselling in South London and specialise at working in depth psychoanalytically with professionals.

Some thoughts on Dependency and Therapy

The Japanese psychoanalyst Takeo Doi wrote the non-fiction book The Anatomy of Dependence (甘えの構造 Amae no Kōzō) in the 1970s to explore the issue of dependency. He argued that the ideal relationship was that of parent / child, which obviously has heaps of dependency built-in; and that this type of relationship should serve as a prototype for all other relationships. Forget equality and being responsible for yourself! No, according to Doi, deep satisfaction comes from really depending on another, sometimes in what we might think of as childish ways.

Trying to get your partner to pick you up from the station when you could walk home, or a cup of tea in the morning, these are all extremely important things to aim for. Make them feel guilty, sulk, act helpless, do whatever it takes. Equally important is to indulge your partner’s desire to depend on you in this fashion. In this version of living we are creatures with our own unique desires and quirks; and we need someone to accommodate them, indulge them.

We don’t want to be using all our capacities all the time like some worker drone machine. Doi thought that “amae” was more prevalent in Japanese society; but perhaps it is just as prevalent in the West but is more hidden. Everyone is busy strutting about showing off their “independence” (until they get ill, or lose their job, their partner, or get struck down by some other blow). Perhaps people express their dependence in private, to their therapists? Exhausted by being resilient and independent, I wonder if therapists provide an arena where it is ok to bring this shadow material?

Let me give you some more examples. Your son is five years old, and he asks you to do up his laces. Fair enough, he needs your help. This is normal dependency, because the child lacks the capacity to do his own laces. Imagine that your son is eleven years old and she makes the same request. You can either respond by saying “do it yourself”, or you can indulge him and say, “of course, sit down, I’d love to help you with that.” This second approach embodies the spirit of “amae”: your son experiences the feeling of pleasurable dependence. He has the ability to tie his laces, but he would rather you did it.

Doi argues that children are always trying to get their parents to indulge them, through this type of dependency. Similarly, adults may seek to be indulged in this way, by their employer or spouse. Your partner comes home drunk and asks you to help them undress. You could say, “do it yourself. I am not responsible for your drunken state”; or you can carefully undress them and help them into their pyjamas.

For many people the second approach feels like a living hell. Remember all those books about co-dependency. Aren’t you simply enabling an alcoholic? Isn’t it pathological to try and get someone else to meet your needs in such a way? Isn’t it better to just look after your patch, your life and leave others to tend to theirs? Aren’t we supposed to be independent and resilient? Indulging your children/partner will lead to incapacitating them, stunting their growth and development. Well, yes, these are all valid points. Perhaps you need to give your partner a jolt, an ultimatum, and there is a better life without carrying their luggage.

But Doi convincingly argues that we all have a desire to depend on others and it’s better to notice it and give it some space. There are more or less painful ways to do this. The western myth of the self-made man / woman is just that, a fantasy. All of us are interdependent on others. Yet, perhaps we find our profound levels of dependency on others too much to bear, so we try and hide it. We act as if we can take care of ourselves, alone. We can diagnose ourselves over the Internet, and we can create our own treatment plans. Perhaps we can track things on an app? We can remove our need to depend on a living, breathing other.

Nowadays patients are sometimes called service users, or clients, or analysands. The term patient often evokes too much passivity and we like to think of ourselves as empowered active participants in our mental health. There is a great deal to be said for this, and of course, in therapy, you are doing most of the work. If you were passive, nothing would change. However, whether you see yourself as a patient or a client, you are depending on your therapist. Is that so bad? The experience of depending on another person can allow you to explore areas of your life that would be off-limits alone. Nowadays, dependency is devalued. If you go to your GP you have five minutes, and you don’t want to be a burden. You will have done some Internet research before your appointment. However, there used to be a tradition of psychotherapeutic doctors, such as Michael Balint, who would meet with his patients after the surgery closed. He would like to get know all about their families and lives. He believed that he could only understand their difficulties in the context of their entire lives. He would allow his patients to depend on him.

This is becoming more and more difficult in modern healthcare. We know that 1/3 of GP appointments are not for any specific biological problem, often termed as “medically unexplained symptoms”. But how can the doctor get to the heart of the matter if they only have six minutes to spend with the patient? It puts both the doctor and the patient in an very difficult position. Both parties have to stick to surface niceties, even if there are much deeper things going on.

Psychoanalyst Darian Leader and David Corfield (Why do People Get Ill?) did some research and found that people often go to the GP on the anniversary of a significant bereavement, such as the death of spouse or parent. It’s understandable the patient may not be feeling well, but it’s unlikely the doctor will have the space to find out the reason. Six minute consultations limit the ability of the patient to express their dependency on the doctor and really think about what it going on.

Our health and ill health are likely to evoke extremely powerful experience of dependency. Doctors, nurses, medical staff and psychotherapists seek to attend to such primitive anxieties and provide a container for them in the therapeutic relationship. In order to do this, they have to be “dependable”, and the patient / client has to be able to depend on them.

Perhaps those people who enter therapy are in fact more independent, through seeking help, than those people who think that they don’t depend on anyone else. Many people depend on substances and process to get through the day, but perhaps we are better off depending on other people? Some people depend on destructive relationships and need to find new relationships. People in recovery from addictions often demonstrate this when they attend 90 meetings in 90 days. Historically people in analysis might go 3,4 times a week to see their therapist. Addictions are often very lonely experiences, with a fantasy of not having to rely on another person. Therefore, when a person stops using, they may be faced with very high levels of dependency which are unbearable on their own. Therapy and groups provide a way to experience and vulnerability and support, to truly take the risky, yet enriching path of depending on others.

Counsellor Waterloo and Harley Street. Psychotherapy in Central London. W1 and SE1. Treatment for a wide range of difficulties: sexuality; depression; anxiety; breakdown; career matters.

About me. UKCP image

Psychotherapy, Psychoanalysis, Counselling in Borough SE1, Waterloo, Southwark

Do you want to see an experienced, sensitive counsellor/ psychoanalyst in South London? I offer once weekly psychotherapy, psychoanalysis and counselling in a comfortable, convenient, central, and private location in SE1. A good south london location. My well-lit therapy consulting rooms at the reputed Guild of Psychotherapists are five minutes walk from Waterloo mainline station and two minutes from Southwark tube station (Jubilee line). Enter through the big black door. My consulting rooms have a waiting area and rest rooms facilities. Therapy is different to modern medicine. Rather than aiming to surgically repress or remove the symptom, therapy seeks to help understand and work with your whole being. The human psyche and body is a marvellously complex and delicate system; our symptoms and difficulties exist for a reason. Therapy provides the space, through speech, dreams, and dialogue to uncover the deeper sources of what is on our minds and lips. I am currently working mainly once weekly, and I keep a time for you each week. I work with high achieving professionals experiencing depression, anxiety, meaningless, addiction, and a range of other difficulties. Call me on 07736681980 to arrange an initial consultation.

If you are looking for a very experienced psychotherapist/ counsellor in Waterloo, or psychoanalyst, get in touch. I have a new South London location in the new year; borough SE1, 2 minutes from Borough tube; five minutes from London Bridge mainline station. Ideal for those working in Lambeth or Southwark who are experiencing anxiety, addiction, depression, relationship difficulities and other forms of psychological distress.

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